During the high school exam, a friend of mine was very surprised by my oral presentation and in the end he made an observation that I could not forget:
"Jonny, I didn't recognize you ... that wasn't you!"
"Those words couldn't come to you, I've never heard you speak that way."
_
And my spontaneous joke was:
"Yeah, that's true. What you saw was not me and what you heard was not mine. "
_
At the beginning I had not grasped the depth of that answer, but then I realized that in that circumstance my mind had distanced itself for a moment from the illusory identity with which I felt identified. Years later, that episode remained impressed in my mind because it demonstrated in a striking way the NO-identity between the person conceived by me (or by others) and what I really am. Then, years later, I could not explain that inner process to me, I only knew that the identity seen by others was not my true identity.
What others said about me didn't concern me.
And even more absurdly, I had sensed that the identity seen by my own eyes was not my true identity.
A disturbing intuition like "I am not me" emerged in my head: I am not that person who has passed the high school exam.
Of course, that idea scared me a lot.
How do you understand this at 18?
That mysterious intuition fell into the background immediately after the celebrations and the rigid beliefs of the common man took over. Identification with the illusory identity had apparently been restored, the disenchantment had apparently been suspended and the incredible lucidity of a moment before seemed blurred.
It took a few years - a couple of years of hard internal work - to restore the Pure Awareness with which I clearly saw what I am not in high school.
The transition is total.
The process is irreversible and permanent.
Now these eyes see spontaneously, impulsively, uninterruptedly, only in that way: there is no need to make any effort of concentration, meditation, self-remembering, etc.
If they could speak, these disenchanted eyes would only say one thing:
"What I see is not me and what I feel is not mine."
The disenchantment is now so deeply rooted that sometimes I have to strive to be the human being that others dream of seeing. I have to force myself to use their beliefs, to believe their hallucinations, their fantasies, their fears, their spells.
The desire to break human spells was strong until a few years ago, then it faded. Now I prefer that they ask for support to break their spells. In fact, some individuals were not and are not yet ready for disenchantment with their current pseudo-identity.
What I can say to those who want to deepen the discussion is that when Pure Awareness is re-established, the vision is no longer the same. What you see appears more or less as before, with the difference that you now see in a more spacious, clear, bright, disenchanted way. You see, feel, perceive and live literally as if you were totally immersed in a boundless lucid dream ... but you must have had some nocturnal lucid dream experience to understand what I mean when I speak of a planetary dream. Those who know lucid dreams and want to better understand this topic just need to translate the phenomenal sensations they experience in the night dimension into this daytime dimension.
In the next chapter I delve into the discourse on non-identity.
(translated from ZeRo's Italian book "Senz'io si vive da Dio" = Whithout yourself you live like God)
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